my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
