i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
is wine microwaveable?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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