im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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