Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
found the other keg... it's in the tree
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
