i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
