Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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