My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
