YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
