I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
