So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I understand Curling. That high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
3 2 1 whiskey
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
