Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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