i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
