I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
