Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
