ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
