Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
