Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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