to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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