The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize