it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
