How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
