We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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