Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
