Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize