That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
