i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
