I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
