I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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