I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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