hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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