If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
