You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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