i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
