i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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