Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
