her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
