My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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