How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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