I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
