So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
