wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
