Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
