I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Randomize
