My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
