explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
