Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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