His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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