Tell her she can't have a vagina
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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