He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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