Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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