Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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