She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
