K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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