help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
