Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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