He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Shame is for Republicans.
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