dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
