just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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