Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
