btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
