it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
