So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
