$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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