Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I need a beard to bite.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
