Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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