My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think people are normalizing furries
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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