Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
