dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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