Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
