she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
honey bunches of taint.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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