Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
what day is it and did you see me today?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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